× 我..还能走多远???.. ×

今天喝完茶后，回到家又无所事事，要等2bro打完DOTA才可以看戏...Zz

所以就走出去跟mommie keng gai咯.. 谈话中，她说到谁谁谁中cancer,很惨，然后我就说：“如果有的选，我宁愿我中的是cancer,至少知道我可以死了，可以把所有的事都做一个最美的结束..不用好像现在酱，一个问题不断浮现在我脑海：如果我花了daddie酱多钱去读书，读到一半或者读完出还没有赚到钱让daddie mommie享福，就中了唐尿病带来的并发症....this is juz like a NIGHTMARE..a nightmare dat nvr leave me..like it's gonna happen someday..evrytime the nightmare stop at here..i not dare to thk wat's gonna happen nx...T_T "


mommie就讲：“酱你找一份工作咯如果你不要读”。哇!!!泪水立刻在我眼眶里打转..我不懂怎样形容那种强烈的感觉..不懂为什么会酱..心里很不舒服..我很想告诉她：“我不是不想读书，我很想读书，只是我怕..我很怕..很怕..噩梦会成真!!! “你知不知道，我一直都很害怕，害怕你对我说这一句话 ???!!!” 不懂要怎样回答，只是说：“做工？要做到几时？好像现在，没有读书，人工才千出...考8个A，去做工？原来我之前所做的都是白费的？！” mommie 就讲：“我没有讲不要给你读啦，你要读我们一定供你读的!!” ..................


这段日子，时常都不开心，好彩有朋友不断的关心，支持，鼓励..好不容易我尝试提醒自己：“要开心!!” 现在我发现，原来是我一直把我的悲伤隐藏得很好，一直压抑着，说服自己，原来我不堪一击，问题再提出，我顿时变得软弱...

现在的我..连自己都不知道自己想要怎样..我不懂..我不知道..我不想面对.. 为什么我酱小就要面对其他人都不需要面对的问题?? 很辛苦..很累..很想退出..... 谁也无法了解我的感受....T___________________________________T


读书?!!努力不让那噩梦成真..它永远只是个噩梦..我...能做到吗???

很想一个人锁在房间里...一个人...谁都不想看到...忍着眼泪是多么痛苦....!!!



还是要继续走...我...还能走多远????.....

— —Bcoz of yesterDaY— —

~Sometimes I wanna call you
~But I know you won't be there
~Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
~For everything I just couldn't do
~And I've hurt myself by hurting you

~Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
~Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
~And it's so hard to say goodbye
~When it comes to these rules

~If I had just one more day
~I would tell you how much that I've missed you
~Since you've been away
~It's so out of line
~To try and turn back time.....
[Hurt]

bcx of YESTERDAY..yea..Is YesterdaY...
I tot u r oni the one I need whn she hurts me..
yet I realized..
I don't knw u..
U Don't even knw me..
U r not important dat I thk of..
My heart..
suddenly feel so cold..


luckie..
stil gt U..
susu..zinee..ah zai..
thx for acc me for the heart~bleeding nite..

...............>n<